2.24.2009

Personal


How important is a fathers love?

In a lot of minority households the father is absent, or dead beat, or in and out of their children life. With my life my father was always in and out of jail, because when you have an addiction you become weak, you become a slave of the drug you are addicted to, you will do anything for it.
By doing anything for it, that includes hurting your loved ones, stealing from them without a second thought.


The type of person I have become is one that trust's, forgives and forgets so easily(too easily). Recently I've come to the realization that's not the way to live. I was kicking myself for letting the same thing happen again to me, maybe its true that love is blind, because I let it keep happening, not thinking this man just came from rehab, just came home about 2 weeks ago, and just like that he manipulated my trust and my feelings and I handed over my car keys to my dad, not once, but 3 different times. I know your probably saying idiot, but you have to understand my father is not the typical drug addict he's extremely smart and when he is okay he has the potential to be one of the greatest men I have ever known.


Ughh I don't wanna go on & on about this. To make a long story short, he had my car for two days...yea two long days. I felt like crap like wth. Thanks to my sister my car is back in my driveway, but it felt like the last straw for me.

My grandmother told him to leave, and on the way out he told me he loved me, he told me he was sick, with tears in his eye's I felt like a child again, watching my father hurt for the first time, I couldnt move, he walked away from the stairs into the kitchen so angry with himself, i heard him yell "I'm sick of this shit I'm tired of hurting my family." I almost cried but I came to my senses and thought maybe this is what he needs. Still worried because he has no where to go...

I'm waiting for you to return, I will always have faith in you...
I Just want you around.



5 comments:

PUBLICITY STUNT said...

wow, this is deep. you're finally opening up. = )

Napolian said...

i know what it feels like to have a parent hurt you deeply. both of mine were unaware of how they scarred me for life by being absent and neglectful. but i believe things happen for a reason. im a strong man today because i did for myself. i will never disown my parents even though my father died not knowning his son. i love them but they have to live their own way in their own lives. Pray your father through this but most of all yourself. you have many many many loving people waiting on the sidelines ready to help you in anyway. Wait for his change but dont let it change you while you wait.
do yourself a favor and pick up where he left off, take care of yourself first! i love you

This Bug said...

Thank you for having the courage to share this. Your story is not unlike so many others out there- but the truthfulness of your words draws me in. There are no right words to say- and pain is a very personal thing. No matter how much we can sympathize with the next person- you can't feel it the way they are feeling it- and they cannot feel yours. Considering what you have shared- I would say that you still grew into a fine young man despite what you have been through.

Remember-it's not about the stumble but the recovery from that fall. Something I hope you and your father can focus on when the time is right. Let me say again that you are very brave to share this- and I thank you.

Blessings...

Shenita said...

Aww stephen as I am writing this comment to u I am crying my eyes out. I also know how it feels to be neglected by your parents neither my mom and dad was in my life as I was growing up and my grandmother raised me. But that defintaly brought tears to my eyes... I'm so sorry to hear that you know if you need anybody to talk to or share your thoughts that I am here for you... I love you stephen and ima keep you and your family in my prayers...

Defiled87 said...

Theo...I don't know, but think you for being raw. Your blog always inspires me